You’ll love her, but you’ll love her differently. — I don’t remember the first time I heard the phrase “heart dog,” but I’m reasonably sure I rumpled my entire face into my skull so hard that a person standing behind me could have seen the revulsion. There are some words and phrases that I just do not like. They’re…

Or, why I’m so unbelievably clumsy — “I think we can walk and chew gum at the same time,” my co-worker says nonchalantly on a call. I stifle an eye roll because, in my family, there’s an often-told story about how I actually couldn’t do that. The phrase “walk and chew gum at the same time” is…

I perpetuated fatphobia. I was part of the problem. — As I tenderly rinse out a glass jam jar — which this time I will not keep because I have an entire cupboard that contains leaning towers of metal lids and rows of glass vessels of various sizes and, if we’re honest, lingering smells — I think about a handful…

I was a weird snake girl and a pedant. I’m still both, I guess. This was originally published to my newsletter, Mischief Missives, which is free. I also have a newsletter about the history of mental health. You can subscribe to either, if you want. As you are well aware by now, some people were Horse Girls. I say “people” because Horse Girl is…

Some number of years ago, I was working at a job that was OK, but was very strict about coming into the office. The boss loved seeing us all there, knowing where we were, and being able to just “drop in” whenever he had an idea. This was a very…

It’s a weird time to be a writer because there are vanishingly few places to write. A version of this originally appeared in my ~newsletter~ . Every time I move apartments, I take a moment to try to remember my last shower. In the hot, steamy cubicle, trying not to…

A cereal killer of the human libido Look at this man: Here he is on a bicycle.

When I was first diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, it was, quite honestly, kind of embarrassing to me. It didn’t fit my internal narrative about myself. I have a bizarrely good memory. I’m aggressively absorbed by my interests and can learn quickly. And when I’m working on something I enjoy, the…

A couple of weeks ago, my partner mentioned that he was frustrated by the fact that we have at least three “chaos” drawers in our home. He’s not wrong, and I’ve thought about it often since he mentioned it. One that has the things that only get recycled sometimes (wine…