If ADHD Isn’t Real Then Why Is My Brain Basically A Piece of Old Cheese Because I Can’t Get My Meds?

HMM? RIDDLE ME THAT.

Hanna Brooks Olsen

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Not Matt Walsh.

Listen, I was going to write this a couple of weeks ago when Matt Walsh was being Matt Walsh, which is to say a complete cretin who looks like a Great Value Martin Starr if Martin Starr was also rotting from the inside, which I don’t think he is. Martin Starr seems very nice. Actually, I’m sorry I dragged him into this. Can we start over?

Imagine if your whole personality was denying the lived existence of other people. Then you’d be Matt Walsh! And I would be sad for you.

The reason I didn’t write this weeks ago is because I haven’t had my ADHD meds for months, due to a shortage that people in charge seem totally fine with for reasons we may or may not get into (will I remember? WHO KNOWS), and as a result I have been playing life on Hard Mode.

Not Super-Hard, mind you. I still have a lot of baked-in privilege and also my other meds are still available. But when, for the better part of a decade, you’ve been helping your brain function somewhat normally with medication and then that medication just…isn’t there, it’s certainly a challenge!

So like, here I am, with a brain that is not only not working as well a it could be, but a brain that is also keenly aware of how well it could be working, which adds an additional layer of shame. And it’s not like I could plan for it, either — it was just that one day, I went to fill my meds and Kaiser said “sorry nope, that’s not available.”

They didn’t offer me any alternatives. They didn’t really explain it. They just sent me a little message that said they couldn’t do it. And then I was expected to just live my life and write my little words and do my little jobs and live my little life and not lose my stupid goddamn keys or forget where my headphones are or be able to make it through a meeting without yawning myself into oblivion. They didn’t provide anything to help with the excruciating exhaustion of going back to non-medicated ADHD sleep.

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Hanna Brooks Olsen

I wrote that one thing you didn’t really agree with.